(Updated) A Facebook Chat About Single, Childless Professional Black Women
Several Cascade Heights residents and friends respond to my post about my upcoming column, "10 reasons why I am a never-married, childless black woman in America."
Social media never ceases to amaze me. On Monday, I mentioned an upcoming column this week, "10 reasons why I am a never-married, childless black woman in America," and, already, men and women are talking about it.
The candid comments are compelling, so I will share a bit here:
D: "There are many of us..and I am curious as to how and why it happened. I certainly didn't choose this life for myself. I am trying to accept it."
N: I accept it and am enjoying it. Halleluia!
D: Let me rephrase that. I decided early on to NOT have kids out of wedlock. And because I never married, I choose not to have children. Now i don't want the marriage..just the kid! LOL.
V (male): D, I'm sure there are some brothas out there whos willing to help you out with that!
V (female): Wow, D. We are on the same page with not choosing this life for myself. If I had my druthers, I would've had a husband and a house full of kids. I got neither. What I got in exchange I guess is a great career, ABD status on my doctora...
D: Yes V (female), that is exactly how my path went too. I won't pretend to be okay with it. I'm sure some have resolved themselves to it and I commend them for that. I traded my career for a family and now I don't even have the career anymore ..and am losing the material stuff as well. What I do have, are fabulous friends and family who never tire of entertaining me or being entertained by me. For that I am blessed!!
V (female): D, it's gotten better for me recently. I used to just bawl about it all the time. Now I only cry about it around the holidays or my birthday. Oh, and when I see a cute kid or a beautiful baby. That still tugs at my heart. I had to pra...y to God to ask Him to take the desire out of my heart if it's wasn't in His plans for my life. I needed to do that so that I would stop my pity party. What's funny is that I know that I have been shown favor by God. I'm so grateful for that. But I can't help but wonder why I didn't get the other part.
K: Ladies, God is not done with you yet. Scripture says, "Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Then be open to how God moves in your life. If you love the Lord and are called to His purpose, do know that all things are working together for good. Both of you are BEAUTIFUL, SMART, DESERVING women. Be still and know that He is God. Peace be with you, sisters.
V (male): wow! these are some serious testimonies here! i am truly humbled! wow!!
Janita Poe: V (male), you just don't know what black women have gone through trying to establish healthy love relationships with black men.With all due respect, black men are enjoying the game, the women because the numbers are soooo stacked in their fa...vor [problem is, part of the game is telling women this is not the case, that she (the woman) has "issues" and needs to change herself in some way and then the man will treat her right!]
Janita Poe: Ladies, NOTHING is wrong with you. Yes, we all need room for improvement but a man can love your imperfect self!! It's the NUMBERS that create the problems. About half the prison population is African-American male, meaning he's not available to date or marry (well, for the most part). Meanwhile, the unemployment rate, probation rate and low college graduation rate among black men creates a much smaller for many African-American women (to compete for). Stay tuned to Cascade Patch for my column this week. Love you!
Stay tuned to Cascade Patch. I'm going to open up with "10 reasons why I am a never-married, childless black woman in America!"
Editor's Note: Cascade Patch has decided not to run this column, concluding this might not be the right platform for such a hot-button, emotional topic. However, feel free to visit my personal Facebook Page for an on-going chat about positive solutions and thoughts for the "70% single" African-American woman!